Hello Holiday Hottie!
The holidays are here!!
...and no matter if you are a traditional gal with one or two visits on the day, whether you host and do it big, whether you do a small vegan celebration with one or two of your people, whether you have many celebrations that last weeks, whether you are anti-colonial and don't celebrate, or whether its just another day for you- I'm with you. (I get it...and have played in all of those arenas.)
Holidays have always been a busy time with clients because all our "shit" comes up. It's totally normal. And no matter what defense mechanisms we use to cover it up or how much we've worked on things- things can still surface. We face dynamics wedon't have to during the rest of the year. Then add a little (or a lot!) of alcohol into the mix and/or some great family dysfunction- we can have a recipe for disaster if we don't have a plan in place.
So this week, I want to give you some loving tips for self-care, protection and joy- no matter what your circumstances. And...know that you are loved- and deserve your needs fulfilled in all the ways too!
Maybe you aren't sensitive or get drained by events- if not, then knowing these tips for those who are can make you a caring and compassionate advocate for them.
First- my only hard and fast rule:
No big gestures, family clearing or fights this week- okay?? No matter who you are, if you are on my list- you and your peeps have probably had a tiring fuck of a year. So let's wait until after the vulnerable, and sometimes tense, get-togethers are over before we deal with the patterns in our groups. Instead- let's work on breathing and flowing through these days, getting as much nourishment as you can. And maybe some fun and joy- no matter how different things are.
LIST OF TIPS
Set an intention for yourself
How do you want to feel and/orwhat do you want from the event? We are setting intentions all the time- we may just become aware of it. Doesn't have to be anything big- maybe just "have fun," "not worry so much and enjoy my peeps," "don't let other peeps take my energy hostage" or even "only have two beers so I don't punch creepy uncle in the nuts." (that might only be me...lol) Making a conscious intention helps keep our energy focused.
Breathe and ground
The best way for your system to feel safer, and to react in a more relaxed way is to breathe deeply and feel connected to the earth. If you have time for a quick 5-10 minute yoga, breathing or meditation session, this can make all the difference in the world going around "the peeps."
Put protection around you
I like to have clients put a bubble (or a fortress) of protection around them. Or call in guides to come with and look over. Seems to help every time. And...it's energy science that works!
Don't let people suck your energy
This is up to us. It's sometimes hard to not get sucked in. Take note of when you feel tired after interacting with someone. Spend limited time or...oh look, it's time for deviled eggs! Avoid them altogether. Its our responsibility to protect ourselves from the energy suckers...
Take breaks
Oooh- take all the breaks. Go get some air, go hang out with the dog(s), hide in the bathroom and text or watch funny video, go meditate in your car. Taking breaks will ensure that we are not exhausted and (as) irritated by the end of the day or next day. This stuff is no joke.
Give yourself permission to shift energy or plans anytime
If you want to leave early, not help with cookies, or are hosting and don't want to make something that you were going to, then don't. Spoiler alert- no one really cares- and if they do, that's their shit. You aren't there to solely fulfill their needs. I mean...really.
Go for a walk
Some of us go into the "freeze" stress state and moving the energy helps a ton. And hey, a dance party works too, if it fits...
Know that you are as important as everyone else!
A lot of us people pleasers put others in front of ourselves and then feel like shit afterwards. Remind yourself that you don't have to be a narcissist to know that your wants and needs are important.
Have support
Set up one of your peeps, there or somewhere else, that you can connect with if you need to. My friends and I have a pact, that we are allowed to text each other for venting or support. If you have just one person, that's awesome- if not, journal. During my times of burn down when I had no one, I spoke into my phone or journaled to get the shitty energy out of my body so I would stay stable(ish- who's kidding anyone here) and not get sick.
Plans of advocation
For you and others. If you are in charge of younger humans- please talk to them about the rules of what is acceptable and not acceptable for how others treat them, and what they are allowed to do and should do if something happens that makes them feel uncomfortable. And, it's not okay to let elders do things to our children that are unethical or go against body autonomy. I work with effects of this way too much so please, don't let people abuse your kids in order to be polite, or you are an accomplice. (Sorry, GenX'ers, we need to be told...things have changed, thank the Gods!)
Have a 911 plan
If things go south, have an exit plan. Make sure your safe people know this and what you are going to do should you feel like its too much for you. Our systems need to know that we will take care of them- then we can relax better and enjoy the day.
There's my list! I hope some of it can help you in some way. These some tidbits that have helped my clients along the way so we don't have to clean up the messes later.
In the last couple of decades as we are continuing to stand up, speak up, advocate, and work through things more and more, it's getting better- but we still have work to do.
You've got this. I love you. Have an amazing holiday, have some fun- and get plenty of rest.